I don't Usually Litter but...

Here's the thing about officer discretion. Officer discretion is what they call the choice that a police officer has to make when faced with a violation. Officers cannot stop every car on the road for every law violation that happens. It would ruin traffic flow and everything. They have to use sound discretion.

One thing that you will almost certainly get pulled over and cited for is littering. People hate litterbugs and most cops were raised as humans from the time they were young so, those feelings run deep. Anyway, I pull people over for littering when I see it. The worst kind of litterbug is the lit cigarette litterbug. That guy will usually end up with the dreaded Lecture and Citation. (The Lecture and Citation is a police tactic reserved for only the most serious offenses. 95% of the time, a cop will either give you a lecture or a citation but not both. The other 5% involve either jerk cops or jerk drivers or both.)

People usually have a pretty good excuse when they get pulled over for littering. I would love to hear someone say, “I just hate the planet.” but I never have... Anyway, the excuses always start off with, “I don't usually litter but...” from there it gets good. I've seen grown men and women chuck their children right under the litterbus. I love it when the kids say, “Dad, you told me to throw it out.”

As of last Saturday I have my own litter story. Here it goes:

We were hip deep in Saturday morning chores with the kids and it was my eight-year-old daughter's turn to pick up the dog poop in the backyard. Kids think that when they have to do chores they end up doing the work instead of the parents. Untrue. It is a test of wills that lasts for like 90 minutes while we stay on top of four kids trying to wriggle out of four different jobs. Anyway, I was brushing my teeth when my daughter knocked on the door and said she was finished with the dog poop job. I knew that this was the beginning of a negotiation process where I counter her statement with a review of the yard and point out all of the poop she missed. I decided to continue brushing my teeth while making a quick circuit of the backyard.

I reached the backyard and button-hooked left to an area that the dogs call, “the stomping ground.” Always plenty of poop there... I started pointing stuff out and continued brushing. My daughter came over with the pooper-scooper and grocery bag and started fumbling around. After a few minutes, I said “Here, let me give you a hand.” I grabbed the handle of the pooper-scooper and, in so doing, brushed the bristles of my toothbrush against the handle of the pooper-scooper. I recoiled in revulsion and disgust and chucked my toothbrush right over the back fence into the vacant lot beside my house.

So, I don't usually litter but...