Some Basic Household Tips

I don't usually watch Saturday morning handyman shows like “This Old House” because they assume a baseline of comprehension and ability on the part of the home owner, that many of us do not have. So, I created a list of handy household tips for the truly unhandy man.

• Your front yard is like the haircut for your house. It doesn't matter if your house is nice or not, you can still make the most out of it by taking care of the yard. Your backyard is more like a pair of cargo shorts. It is less important for it to look nice because it is more useful than beautiful.

• When you refill your hummingbird feeder, make sure you check it for bees before you bring it inside. A hummingbird feeder can hide about twelve bees inside of it. They won't come out until you try to run the feeder under the kitchen sink.

• Shooting a lock, or shooting a deadbolt, does not guarantee that you will be able to open the door.

• You can kill a spider with aerosol hairspray and a lighter, but it is harder than you'd think.

• You should not try to kill a spider in the cabinet under the  kitchen sink by using the above mentioned home-made flame thrower because you may create a very startling “back draft” effect.  Not the awesome Kurt Russell style back draft but the scary burn-your-eyebrows-off kind.

• Spiders can jump really far.

• If someone lends you a casserole dish, write your name on it in Sharpie before you give it back to help them remember their good deed.

• There is always a little more toothpaste in the toothpaste tube. ~Bill Bryson

• If the TV gets messed up, do not, under any circumstances, unplug everything back there and try to “start from scratch.”

• Do not agree that a piano, any piano, would look nice upstairs.

• When you put together a basketball hoop, the base should extend out on the opposite side from the basketball rim. If you don't set it up this way, you will trip over the base every time you try to get a rebound. Also, your hoop will fall over the first time it gets really windy.

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