The Morning Zoo

Have you noticed that the news has stopped being news in the morning? Now it is five minutes of 'headlines' and the rest is gibberish and traffic updates. So, let me propose a list of stories that I do not want to see and a list of stories I would like to see more about in order to help news producers fill up their half hour.

Here are some stories that I am not interested in: 

• Anything to do with Kim Kardashian's wedding.
• Any segment where the anchor comes out from behind the desk to look at delicious food and tell you that it is the equivalent of eating fifty eggs, which nobody can do, but at least Cool Hand Luke tried... One time they showed a delicious burger and explained that it was like eating some outrageous amount of Oreo's like an entire sleeve or something and I asked Steph to go back and see where they sold the burger because I thought it was worth a try.
• Anything to do with Oscar fashions.
• Anything else on Hurricane Irene. Let it go, Eastern Seaboard, let it go... P.S. I hope it is called the Eastern Seaboard and not something else like the "Eastern Sibourd." The thing is, I don't think seaboard is any more of a word than sibourd. I couldn't use it in a sentence without attaching eastern to the front at any rate.
• Anything to do with recipes that the reporters brought from home. See Debi Worthen's Pot Stickers.
• Any time the morning news brings on a band unless the band just knocked over a pharmacy or something.
• Flight delays in Europe.
• Anything that involves the reporters sitting on tall chairs and drinking wine. Are you on break or something?
• When the "pick city" for weather is Honolulu. That is just rude to the rest of us.
• Casey Anthony does not deserve anymore attention.
• Any segment that is a highlight reel of the zany antics that the morning crew got up to over the last week.

Here are some stories I would like to see more about:

• Y2K
• Karate fights.
• How to win at the slots.
• Bicycle wrecks if there is video and nobody dies.
• Manatee stories but not sad ones about how they get hit by motorboats, happy ones about how they save that rich guy that owns Virgin Records' mom from a fire in the Bahamas.
• Any time robbers get beat up by convenience store clerks.
• Any time a reporter gets hit by a football that they weren't expecting.