Project Falcon

STATREP: Day One

As those of you with security clearances of mandarin or higher already know, Project Falcon has begun. In this operation, I have gone undercover 21 Jump Street style to infiltrate the intermediate school where my son is a student. I am posing as an awkward 7^th Grade boy from Canada. So far, everything is going as planned. I brought my real mom out of retirement to check me into school and my handler back at the precinct prepared the appropriate documents.

I have to confess that a mix up in the paperwork almost ruined the whole operation before if could even get started. I had asked, and reminded, my handler to use the name Hans Geiger II as a tribute to my hero and the inventor of the Geiger Counter. I use my Geiger Counter everyday to tell which co-workers are radioactive and which ones are not. Mostly, they are not, however, you can never be too safe. Anyway, I had a whole cover about being one of the famous “German Canadians” of Quebec. They are called the Quebecois. My mom even pulled out some phoney German accent that she has been using all of my life to complete the ruse. That is commitment to the operation, right there.

So, my mom and I were standing there in the office when the lady opened up my file and read my name. She said, “Hello, Falco Geiger Counter 2.0.” I didn't know what she was talking about and just looked at her blankly. Fortunately for me, this only served to convince her that I was in fact a seventh grader. She started speaking more slowly to me and said warily, “Isn't your name Falco Geiger Counter 2.0? It says right here that is your name...” and she showed me the file. It did say the less desirable but still obviously Germanadian name across the the top of the file, alongside the name was a hand-written annotation that said “Student becomes uncontrollable when not addressed by full and complete name.” I had some quick thinking to do but I covered well and completed the registration process. I begin my first full day of classes tomorrow as Falco Geiger Counter 2.0. I don't know how often I will be able to issue reports from here on, but I will do so when I can.

Over and Out,

JDBOC