Notes On Fatherhod

• Last week, as I was getting ready to head out of the door for work, my daughter June pooped her pants. She is two and deep in the throngs of potty training. She is aware enough to get angry that there is poop on her; she just has not fully committed to “the potty” as the place she wants to go for her defecatory needs... Anyway, I was rushing around looking for wipes and I seriously considered using a Swiffer Sweeper wet pad. I wondered if it would be more irritating to her skin than the Armor All wipe I was already holding...

• I found a sippy cup under the car seat and brought it inside to put into the dishwasher. It had once contained milk but the substance inside the cup had broken down and separated into water on top and some sort of unholy facsimile of cottage cheese underneath. I made a disgusted face which included, but was not limited to, wrinkling my nose. This caused my lips to part ever so slightly. I add this detail only because the cast off from the cup's contents ricocheted off the sink and landed just inside my bottom lip; sliding gently down until it gradually settled at the place where my lip connects to my chin and gums. At least, that is where it hurt the most when I tore my lip off of my face.

• I am turning 40 this year and I still try to put my head through the arm hole sometimes. This is not necessarily a dad thing, but I would be surprised if there wasn't some correlation.