Upon Learning that my Dog's Identity had been Stolen Or Steve's Tale: An American Dog's Road to Redemption

Today I was watching 2News while laying in bed with the Junie. Ron and Mary cut away to Casey over at the Greekfest, or some other time filling community interest story. It was some business or school that nobody cares about except the people that are related to the family/kids on TV. We all acknowledge that these news segments must exist because that is when we break away from the TV and go to shave or get dressed or whatever. Anywho, I had switched Stephanie out so she could shower and I could entertain the baby.

The camera panned down from Casey to an English Bulldog at his feet and everyone in the studio cooed and hooted accordingly "Steve! Hey Steve! How you doin?" etc. I couldn't believe it! He named his dog Steve! And now he's putting his imitation Steve on TV to try and publicize him in order to undermine the true and living Steve. It was outrageous!

Let me flashback... The year is 2008. In an act of irrational self-affirmation I bought a dog. I've already explained why I named him Steve. (Reference my previous post: My Dog Steve 8/1/2011) 

The first time I took Steve jogging I decided to try him off of the leash once we got away from the houses. I unhooked the leash from his collar and smiled benevolently at Steve as he gave me an astonished over-the-shoulder look and booked it toward a catcher's mitt of roadkill that I had not noticed. "Steeeeve, no!" I yelled as I ran after him. "This is how my dog becomes rabid and I just barely got him," I thought, as I lost ground on Steve. He scooped the roadkill into his mouth and tried to swallow it whole, gagging himself as he swallowed and swallowed this hairy matted disgusting thing. I arrived just in time to grab a paw (it was a rabbit) and tried to pull it back out of Steve's gullet. I wretched and pulled and Steve did the same but I won the tug-of-war and pulled the entire maggot infested dead rabbit back out of his mouth. Bare hands. No gloves.

So, while I appreciate that Casey too, shares a name common among dogs, he cannot copy my idea. I have earned Steve through horrors that cannot be unseen by mortal man.

I offer this alternative dog name to Casey to show that I mean no disrespect to him personally or to his idiotic meaningless profession. If I were to name another dog, I would name him Travon Martin. That way I could always say, "This is my dawg Travon Martin." And give the guy or lady that I am introducing Tray to (I would call him Tray) a real intense meaningful look so that he or she would know that I believe strongly in divisive social issues.

I hold these truths to be self evident.

JDBOC

The new face of Identity Theft.