Steph's quote for July 31, 2011

Damn, I put that sports bra back on for nuthin'.

Winning and Losing the Lottery

We have lockers in the men's room at my work but there aren't enough for everyone to claim one of their own. Every few months we have to go through and cut locks off of about a dozen or so lockers that, for one reason or another, the guys think are theirs. It's always sad when the guys come in and wonder what happened to their gross mildewy towels and Speedsticks. Theirs is the same kind of reaction you see when a dude gets one of those joke lottery tickets from his buddy and thinks that he won the lottery for like five minutes until he reads the fine print at the bottom of the ticket and learns that he didn't win anything and his friend is a jerk.

The first clue that you have received a phony lottery ticket is that your idiot friend is like, "Here, do you want this old lottery ticket? I never scratched it or anything." The next clue is that he stands there and video tapes you while you scratch it. I feel like I'm handing down some real truth bombs here so, take note. This may happen to you. I also should get a nickle from you if you ever relate this story to anyone else without the express written consent of myself or the National Football League.

The Pro's and Con's of Pooping in your Ex-Wife's Laundry Hamper

Pro: You got some poop out.

Con: You're probably going to have to give back that key.

Inmates and their hair styles

If you're an inmate in jail and you have the ability to grow an afro, I think you should. The question then becomes, how do you decide when to afro it up and when to wear it down? I bet some days you roll out of your bunk feeling all jaunty and carefree like, “I'm really going to make today count!” and then you afro it up. But, other days, I bet you wake up and think, “I wish I wasn't even IN jail.” On those days, I bet you don't.